Turkmenbaby: Man of the People!

It's well known that many dictators like to portray themselves as men of the people. In this picture, a shirtless Mussolini addresses Italians being ressettled in a new planned fascist community. He not only rolled up his shirtsleeves, he took off his shirt altogether to show his enthusiasm for resettlement and working the land.













Well, Turkmenbaby is no exception. Just look at him in this recent photo: donning the garb of the working man, looking carefree and almost angelic:



















And here he is, cavorting with a common peasant girl. It's disturbingly effective propaganda.













But, just as Turkmenbaby threatens to win over the masses with his earthy, folkish public visage, the inner dictator rears his ugly head:













Who will be the victim of this rage? The very common people he purported to identify with only moments before. This is what it means to live at the caprice of a dictator. Sigh.

Spring Break Party: Turkmenbabystan

It's that time of year, when people make their Spring Break getaway plans, and Turkmenbabystan is no exception. Turkmenbaby likes to set the example for all his subjects, so they know that he, too, enjoys his leisure time. Here's a little sample of his Excellency's itinerary for Spring Break:

After he hits the beach for sunbathing and parasailing, he'll spend some time upright in bed receiving visitors:

Of course, horizontal is nice, too:

It's widely known that in Turmenbaby culture family is of central importance, so Turkmenbaby always makes his Spring Break a family affair:

And then, to wrap things up, something totally different:

His Excellency Turkmenbaby, President of Turkmenbabystan

In December 2006 one of the world's most autocratic rulers--and biggest characters--passed away. Saparmurat Niyazov was the supreme ruler of Turkmenistan, known for ruling by fiat and ordering ridiculous commands, such as: the banning of long hair and beards for young men; the banning of all recorded music, car radios, and lip-synching; the closing of all libraries outside the capital city (Ashgabat), because "ordinary Turkmens don't read"; the closing of all hospitals outside the capital, because the sick should come to the capital for treatment; the banning of opera and ballet as "un-Turkmen"; and finally, the changing of Turkmen words, such as the word for bread and the days of the week, to names of members of his family. Niyazov also wrote his own pseudo-religious text, which he not only foisted upon every bookstore and library in the country, but used as the basis for a "morality test" that all Turkmens taking the driver's license exam had to pass.

He was nuttier than a squirrel convention, in other words.

Well, as one life passes from this world, so another comes into being. Just as Turkmenbasy (as Niyazov was called, for "leader of Turkmens") passed away, so Frederick Riggs Duberstein was born: and the world knew TURKMENBABY. Now I admit the comparison is a bit opaque at first glance, but please allow me some illustrations:

Turkmenbaby requires that all his subjects sleep only when he sleeps, and then fitfully and for short periods of time:















Turkmenbaby flies into fits of violent rage for no apparent reason:










Turkmenbaby likes to pose, Caesar-like, on his throne, suckling his "pluggie," a strange oral-fetish device:

When not reclining in imperial splendor, Turnkmenbaby makes the peasants carry him about the manor. Eager to avoid his wrath, they comply readily:













Turkmenbaby also makes his subjects place him it his litter and parade around until exhaustion overtakes them (this poor peasant couple has been conscripted not only for this duty, but also to feed, clothe, and bathe the little dictator. Not only that they must provide for his every whim and fancy, even clean him after a bowel movement):













Like his namesake, Niyazov, Turkmenbaby has even turned his capricious wrath on dogs: prohibiting their owners from paying them the slightest bit of attention (be wary Turkmenbaby, this one may be plotting your demise)



The real tragedy is that the West seems to be ignoring Turkmenbaby's excesses, probably because his realm contains no serious natural resources, and none of the usual human rights groups seem to be aware of the situation, either. In fact, this blog may be the only hope for the poor subjects under Turkmenbaby's thumb...

Four Weeks of Freddy

Time has lost any semblance of its normal patterns and pace and shape, but somehow we find ourselves at Freddy's four week birthday (also his GrandJan's 60th! Happy Birthday GrandJan!) and that seems amazing. Although the pimples haven't totally cleared, Freddy insisted on posing for his fans nonetheless. We LOVE our little boy.

Brief Interruption

Frederick would like to apologize for this hiatus in representations of his cuteness while he endures the his first brush with adolescence and recovers from a uniquely nasty case of baby acne. But fear not - his goofy mug will surely be back online in no time.

Look out, Becks!

I want to point out that Freddy's faux-hawk is 100% natural, unlike that affected East-London 'do that Posh had her man sporting. Now whether Freddy can bend free kicks is another question...

Can you tell me how to get...

...how to get this Snufflelupagus off my head?

This one requires a little explanation:

You see, we'd noticed that Frederick had taken to wedging his head against his co-sleeper, it seems to be a comfortable position for him. Well on this day I could not get him to stay asleep, he was all wedged in but still fussing. So I took the erstwhile Snuffy and put him paws down on the non-wedged side of Freddy's noggin and voila! Sugarplums dancing. What isn't Sesame Street good for, I ask you?



Freddy also gets all his news from Kermit THE Frog, in case you wondered.

Last Cast

So it looks kinda like a cool snowboard-esque piece of gear, but actually its called a Denis-Brown Splint and it's the latest in accoutrement for fixing Frederick's clubfoot. The good news is that this means the cast is off (the boy can finally take a bath!). The unfortunate news is that the poor kid has to wear this contraption, which really resembles a medieval torture device that Michel Foucault might have written about, 20 hours a day for the next couple months. This isn't helping anyone in the sleep department!
There is, however, another significant upside to getting to this stage. Freddy does get to spend 4 hours a day now with nothing on his foot! Last night he hung out with all ten piggies in the open air for the first time since he was a day old, and we all loved it. And as you can see in the photo, his foot (it's the right foot that is being corrected) looks just like any other after only 3 weeks. Way to go Fred-o!

Freddy's First Play Date

Upon meeting his new friend Grady Tarleton, Freddy remarked, "why is Adam so small and why is he wearing a diaper?" Grady is a chip off the ole' block for sure.

The two new dudes had a nice time, though they were generally more interested in breasts than in one-another. Such stereotypical men!

Two Men, One Birthday Cake

With just one day in between birthdays, Grandma Vinograd decided to go for the combined cake. This is fine with Freddy, as long as she understands that doesn't work for presents...

The Bloody Sock Part II

You all remember Curt Schilling's heroics when the Red Sox won the world series? Well check this out: Freddy's already gritting one out for the team, bloody sock and all:



It's actually from an incision to correct his heel cord and fix his club foot, but pretty similar to the ankle injury that Schilling fought through to trounce the Yankees and Cards. I think we know who's starting game 1 of the World Series in 2029!!

Frederick in Profile:

He enjoys nursing, sleeping, his mobile, and occasionally even NOT screaming while being held by his father. Ladies: this man is the total package.